she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The air taste purple.
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