you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
