I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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