Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
