I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
