this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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