uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
