is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
