i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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