Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
