did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well you can't waste a boner
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
