you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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