So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
