My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
