Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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