no, he came in my armpit
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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