Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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