roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
