roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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