The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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