but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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