Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
