I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
