Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
