im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
