Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
