I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
