Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
