My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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