Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
