i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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