just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
