take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
