Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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