hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
