can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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