I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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