just come out here and I will go home with you...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
