There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
