I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
