found the other keg... it's in the tree
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
