my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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