In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Congratulations! We have a period
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
