When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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