Me too!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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