do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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