just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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