if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
