He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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