i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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