i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
