Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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