i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
