I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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