so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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