i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
