I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
