it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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