he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
