I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
