for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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