Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
