I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize