Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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