I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
