So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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