U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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