He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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