im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
