Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
