Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
