you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
