you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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