So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
